So think about what words make you feel great about your sexuality. Maybe you like to be nasty or filthy on occasion, or maybe you like to be told you’re soft and sweet (hey, you can be both!). Think of words that enhance your self-love — juicy, hot, tight, strong, cute, smooth — and enthusiastically inquire about your partner’s faves, too. If you know that sending a sweet sext (or an even dirtier one) is something that excites your partner, it can build up your courage and confidence to send it. “Just like the physical act of sexuality, the build-up is where the fun is,” Eros reminds us.
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Courtney enjoys using her strap-on when she has sex and prefers it, especially when dealing with bottom-heavy women. “I feel like I have so much control over the woman [when using a strap-on] and it usually makes them feel really good,” she says. Like Courtney, I enjoy the dominant feeling I have when using a strap-on with a woman. There are questions about what the woman using the “strap” gets from it. I offer that it’s more of an aroused response to the woman’s enjoyment and from watching her experience the pleasure. It’s flat out recommended that initial explorations into dirty talk start as a solo activity, whether it’s practicing getting vocal or just exploring linguistic genres of erotica while masturbating.
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“Part of the thrill is using sort of edgy, boundary-pushing epithets that we can reclaim through sex.” When it comes to advanced dirty talk, Horn suggests that you, “really see yourself as a storyteller, a creative person exercising a skill.” If your partner is using words or phrases that don’t work for you, be gentle in how you let them know. Pay attention to the words and phrases your partner is using and adopt them if you’re comfortable. You can share each other’s word banks or just incorporate what’s affirming versus what’s off-limits into natural conversation. “One of the most important basics is understanding what words you like to describe all the parts of your body, as well as your partner’s,” says Horn.
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- She basically never stops talking when she’s having sex, and the result is a stunning stream of consciousness.
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- Todd Haynes’ Carol featured delightfully melodramatic and nostalgic rich lesbian sex scenes, but the scenes were brief in duration, and what they had in quality they lost in quantity.
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She basically never stops talking when she’s having sex, and the result is a stunning stream of consciousness. She used a few lines — such as, “Aren’t you lucky you got to make me come today? ” — that I immediately filed away for use with the right person. Communication is at the heart of every sexual connection.
“Adults can, and I think should be able to, talk about sexuality together, with no assumption that it’s to turn each other on,” says Horn. First and foremost, try to get all your preconceived notions about dirty talk — how it’s”supposed” to sound or what you’re “supposed” to say — out of your head. Your biggest overall obstacle is simply getting out of your own head about it. “When something this catastrophic happens, it’s really disorienting how drastically your libido can change, and how you and your partner can suddenly be mismatched when it comes to sex drive,” says Horn. Since 1945, EBONY magazine has shined a spotlight on the worlds of Black people in America and worldwide.
Dirty talk can help partners get on the same page by opening each other up to all kinds of discussions around desire. So kudos to Disobedience for really taking the time to mediate on how queer women have sex. The scene clocks in at about eight minutes and never once gets banal — it even throws in a complimentary spit swap.
This isn’t always the case, and women I spoke with all agree that what we see in typical “girl-on-girl” scenes aren’t true representations of how sex goes down. This story is a work of fiction and contains sex scenes and is suitable for adults only. All characters are fictional and are over 18 years old.